Eleven years ago, I attended an Acquire The Fire youth conference. Recently, I came across my notebook from that event. It was interesting to see what my struggles were back then and what I was learning. I would have been 15 years old, and I was in my poetry writing phase.

This is the poem my 15-year-old self wrote eleven years ago on October 18, 2013: 

Broken walls,

Open heart,

I found the truth,

In every part.

My body felt it,

Deep in my soul,

Lord’s spirit entered

and now I’m whole.

It’s a long process,

But it can happen real fast,

Surrender to the Lord,

Future, present and past.

My heart was pounding,

My hands did shake,

I am now alive

and fully awake.

I share this with you, not because I think this poem was brilliantly written but, because after reading this and other notes from the conference, I believe I had fully encountered God and accepted salvation on that weekend. The last sentence of the poem speaks to me still, “I am now alive and fully awake.”

‘This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”’ Ephesians 5:14

Alive and awake is an accurate feeling when in close communion with God. When I am drifting from God due to a lack of spending quality time with Him, I am living but I don’t feel fully alive. It is as if my eyes are closed to a lot of wonderful things, I am not fully awake. I start to feel a little bit colder inside, a little less energy, a little less vibrancy, a little less motivated, and a little less patience. It can be hard to recognize this right away because my signs seem to be typical human experiences: extra fatigue preventing me from putting in a bit of effort somewhere, getting happy or sad news and not fully experiencing the emotions from them, desiring to be alone instead of with people I would normally seek out; it can easily go unnoticed.

God is always there waiting, but there are times I don’t meet Him.

What are your signs? What becomes more difficult? Where do you feel a lacking? Self-awareness and accountability are crucial in this walk of faith.

Being alive in Christ is a blessing and a responsibility.

“For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” Romans 6:9-11

In 2013, I experienced waking up and coming to life fully for the first time. In 2024, I still experience the fullness of being awake and alive when I am walking hand in hand, committing my days to the Lord.